On a recent episode of The Divorce and Separation podcast, I had the pleasure of chatting with Bec Chappell, passionate communicator, Marketing Strategist extraordinaire, and lover of finding solutions.
This hearty chat offers spades of grace, humility and a touch of sparkly hope. The kind of hope that we have all wished for during a 1am meltdown.
As the pandemic rolled into our lives in early 2020, Bec was facing the biggest year of loss, and later liberation, that once could have floored her. One night, Bec’s now ex turned to her and said, “I don’t want to be together”. Her response was brave and true, “I am not going to force you to love me”.
Bec and her ex-husband had been together for 10 years at the time. And despite wanting to walk away, she gave it another shot. However, with his father facing a terminal illness, Bec tried everything to win him back; rides to the hospital, relationship therapy, and a refusal to not let her marriage slip away.
During this time, Bec lost her job and her marriage. In a matter of months, her world came crashing down. The final blow after months of ghosting by her ex-husband; “I have feelings for someone else”.
She could have given up, but instead, Bec decided to take control over her life and heart, before it could destroy her any further.
Bec knew that she deserved love. She also knew that the biggest loss of all, was the future that was never going to involve the love of her life. Their mutual friends soon sided with her ex-husband, but her loyal cheerleading squad was unwavering in their support. Like most of us in a crisis, we know what’s bad for us, but we’ll do it anyway. Giggling, Bec explained, “The things we tell our friends at the time. Such as, ‘I know you said I shouldn’t. I am going to do it anyway. Then I will come crying to you about the thing you told me not to do.”
That’s what best friends are for, right?
As the divorce picked up a pace, it soon got ugly. However, Bec refused to become ‘ugly’ in her behaviour.
“I wanted to show up as a different version. I came at it from a place of kindness and compassion, and I wanted to understand ‘my role’ in the breakup. I understood that he had fallen out of love with me, and that was OK. But I also knew that I deserved love”, Bec says.
It was through months of therapy and self-discovery work that Bec realised that her desire to marry the love of her life was from a place of love, but also fear. A fear of being alone. A fear that if ‘they won’t have me, who will?’
“I convinced myself that he was the gold standard man and that I would never meet anyone like him”, she says.
“I was scared that I would no longer be able to text him. I had to come to terms that he wouldn’t be in my life”.
Now Bec’s biggest challenge, in addition to running her company and acing life, is that she needs to find a new wedding playlist.
Just in case she might need it one day.
And remember, your current situation is not your final destination.
My digital door is always open.
Be kind to yourself,